Acceptance
By Kathleen Derbyshire

What does this mean? Acceptance!

When someone says to me, “Accept yourself for who you are,” is where my problem begins. Why is this an issue for me? Well let’s dig into this statement a little deeper.

Accepting oneself for who we are is accepting that we have financial problems, accepting that we are overweight or obese, accepting that our children are out of control, accepting that our job sucks, accepting our alcohol or drug problem and a whole host of other issues that we need to address. Okay, so they say we need to accept ourselves because we need do this to move on. Does that mean that we will always be financial inept or do we get to change it – do we always stay overweight/obese or do we do something about it and so on and so forth. ‘Accepting yourself for the way you are’ is nothing but a psychological cop out. Now read on to get the reason why I say this before you blow a cog and have to except the blood all over the walls.

Accept this first: Everyone is looking for the quick fix; the pill, the psychologist with all the answers, the psychic with the future, the analyst with the financial wizardry, the book that tells you how to do it, and the seminar that gives all the answers. No one has all the answers, or the future or the pill – NO ONE. You are on your own. Your wisdom is different from anyone else’s and so are you.

Accept this second: you need to accept the things you cannot change such as your height, your shoe size, and your body type and so on and on it goes again. These are things you cannot change so you must accept them. To be perfectly honest these are hard things to accept; our crucial need is to change the things we cannot change the most and this is why we are so un-accepting of ourselves.

Accept this third; accepting the things you can change for what they are is a cop out. Here is where we fall into the category of ‘accepting ourselves for who we are’ excuses such as; we are predisposed to obesity, we are not good with money, we are not strong parents, we are stuck in this job because we need the money and on and on it goes where it stops nobody knows. This is where the cop out begins and will never end if we accept the changeable as though they are unchangeable.

Joyce Meyers always says, “I am not where I want to be but thank God I am not where I used to be.” If we accept ourselves for who we are than we are saying, “I don’t have to change because I am accepting myself for who I am.” We are forever changing and that is how it is supposed to be. Isn’t it? Are we supposed to stop educating ourselves about ourselves? NO! Not ever. Accepting ourselves for who we are is giving ourselves permission to not learn, to not grow, to not gain more wisdom, to not be a better parent, to not stop gaining weight, to not stop drinking, to not be a friend to others or to help others. We are giving ourselves permission to be what we hate most. This is unacceptable to me and it should be to you too.

Situational Acceptance
We need to accept our situation more than we need to accept ourselves for who we are; in doing that we can accept our current situation and create a plan to make the necessary changes. Is change necessary? Indeed it is for everyone. Change doesn’t come easy nor does it come over night. We are desensitized to slow motion any more; it’s become -- eat this now worry about your diet later, buy now pay later, I can tell you your future today. We are so wrapped up in having it now that we want change now too and we get frustrated when it doesn’t happen now so we force it to happen now and live with the outcome. So here is my question, if what we are doing today doesn’t work why do we continue to do it every day?

Our challenge for October is to learn situational acceptance. When we understand that it is our situation we must accept it makes it easier to accept what is currently happening. We also will readily understand that we don’t have to stay in that situation; it is forever changing. Yes it is - even if we don't make deliberate changes ourselves.

For example, I am 12 pounds over my goal weight (I did not deliberately change my eating habits) – I accept that and am on a new eating plan (deliberate change) to get rid of it and keep it off. I may gain it back again some day but I am determined to never be 62 pounds over my ideal weight again.

Helpful Hints:
Get rid of any books, articles or videos that tell you ‘you can have it now.’ Now is not good because you may not be ready for it. Learn that ‘Now’ is not good.
Have your friend’s help you with all they can help you with but remember you are on your own. You are the one who has to give you knowledge and wisdom. You can learn from book and what have you but you need to learn for yourself and don’t leave the learning to others.
Be honest with yourself. Is what you are telling yourself correct or are you using excuses to not do what you know needs to be done.
Accept that failure is the way to success.

May God bless all of your journeys,
Kathleen Derbyshire

About the author
Kathleen lives in LaSalle Ontario Canada with her husband and two of her four children. She teaches workshops helping women build a successful future. Her passion for women is evident during these workshops. If you would like her passion flowing around you she is willing to bring her workshop into your facility. You can email Kathleen at a-living-success@cogeco.ca for more information on any speaking engagement including her workshop ‘Leading Yourself to Success’ which engages women and girls to learn more about themselves so they too can live a successful life.