Going 'NO' Place Without Self-discipline.

Well that month went by like a blip!!!! I hope you enjoyed it. I am certainly choosing joy each day. It helps my face.

In this month I discovered so much that my head hurts but one thing I want to pass on to you is the next step to preparation. We talked last month about preparing for your future. We never get anything zapped to us by anyone or anything especially God. Although sometimes we wish that He would. Like I wouldn’t mind Him zapping $50,000.00 into my bank account to pay off my debt but day after day there is no loot in my account just soot. I digress.

We were talking about, wait a minute, I haven’t told you yet. The next step to preparation is self-discipline. Yes that’s right. How are we going to get to where we want to go (our prepared goal) if we do not discipline ourselves to reach that goal? Simple, we follow our plan until we reach our goal. It is as simple as that.

You probably say, “That is easier said than done.” No it isn’t. We are living in an age where everything gets done quickly but there is a price to be paid for that. Only you will pay the price for your lack of discipline. It will be your dreams, your goals and your future that will pay the price. God will get someone else, your friends will get someone else, your boss will get someone else, your kids, spouse, parents will get someone else to do what you were supposed to do BUT YOU will pay the price.

Let’s get into this a little deeper. We are all gifted to do something but we also are required to do something. Our requirements may involve housework (which I despise), caring for sick family members, changing dirty diapers – you catch the drift. There will always be things that we are required to do that we do not like doing but still we must complete them. Now, there are also things that we are gifted to do which make us very happy while we are doing them. For instance, I love to help women by sharing my experiences with them. God is leading me to become a public speaker so I am preparing myself for that. I would love to speak full time and never go back to designing cars but unfortunately that is impossible right now. My financial foolishness put me her; talk about paying the price! Now we have two potential scenarios here – one, I could get depressed because I am not speaking as much as I would like and give up or I could be mad as all get out that I have to go work in the automotive again. Neither one of those scenarios are happening because I am using my self-discipline skills to hunt down a desirable design job (which I have by the way, thanks for all your prayers) to make the money to pay my bills and continue to prepare myself to become the most awesome public speaker I can be.

God is in control of what is happeing in my life but I am in control of my own self-discipline. I am not a minuet that God pulls the strings on – he has given me choice, to be or not to be. I choose to BE. Therefore I have to invoke my self-discipline to do that. No, it is not easy and some days I want to give up but God is now beginning to surround me with people who lift up my spirits and is showing me the ones who are not. It is a lonely trek learning self-discipline but no one can do it but YOU.

So I want you to get the totally ironic point here – no one will pay the price for your lack of self-discipline, only you AND no one can help you gain self-discipline, only you. If you rely on other people to pump you up when they are gone so is your pump sending you right back to where you started from - at the bottom of the well.

Create a well of disciplinary devices that work for you and make sure you put God’s Word on top. The first thing you should get out of your well is God and the Bible, then a good friend, a quote that gets your blood pumping or anything else that helps to motivate you. I have a picture in my office the has a beautiful view of a lighthouse beside the ocean. Written on it 'Vision' Light tomorrow with today. Elizabeth Barrett Browning I also keep my workspace clean because there is nothing that demotivates me more than clutter. I work at self-discipline everyday so expect to have to motivate yourself every day. This is a process that goes on forever and ever and ever.

Okay, so now to this month’s challenge. This is only going to be difficult if you let it be.
Discipline yourself this month to serve others with joy. Open your eyes in the morning and choose joy before you put your feet on the cold floor. Do your job with joy, do your dishes with joy, wash your clothes with joy, and so on and so on. Remember it is all about people so if you discipline yourself to choose a joyful attitude while getting to where you are going it will be contagious and other will want to know what has happened to you. Before you know it you have a habit you won’t ever have to break or work hard at.

Have a great Easter and thank Jesus for His gift of life to us.
Choosing joy with you,Kathleen

Preparing for the Future

Hello everyone,
I pray that you were successful with the January challenge.
For February we are going to learn about preparation. As much as we think we are prepared we most certainly are not. One thing that gets the hair on my back standing straight up is people who say, "God will take care of the details if he wants me to do it." He will not do that unless it is impossible for you to do it such as a little miracle or the need for money not readily available or the need for someone to give that information like a prophet or someone who knows the job at hand. Other than the spiritual needs He will not provide anything that you can do on your own like research or school or reading or studying.
When you believe that God is sending you to do something he will give you the wisdom to do it but he will not prepare you for it; you must do that on your own. Although the saying 'God helps those who help themselves' is not in the Bible it should not to be ignored. Do not take this literally because God wants you to know that 'you can do all things through Him' but you have to do some prep work on your own.
Prep work is exactly what it is. You cannot teach without learning how to be a good teacher, you cannot be a leader without knowing how to be a good leader, you cannot build unless you know how to build, you cannot preach unless you know the Word of God. Knowing what to do and doing it are two different things. God may tell you what he wants you to do but it is your responsibility to learn how to do it well and being fully prepared to do it properly.
More people fail from lack of preparation than for any other reason so to avoid failure get yourself prepared. Do your homework and get the knowledge you need to do the deed. One of the things that you might want to prepare yourself with is the Word of God and the Love of Man. These two things are the most important prep work you will ever do. If you have not Love than everything else you have is nothing.
So the February challenge is think about preparation. How do you need to prepare each day for life? How have you failed due to lack of preparation and how can you avoid it next time?
This is a way of life for me. Preparing for the future is imperative to having a fruitful future. When you are unprepared you will react badly to any situation that pops up.
Let me know how it goes for you and any area of your life that you discovered you are not prepared in. Show us how you are getting yourself prepared and how it makes you feel to be more prepared.
God bless your journey
Kathleen

New Year New Love

As you all know I have been relieved of my design duties for now. I am also working very hard at listening to Jesus. It is very difficult to cut through the garbage to even see Jesus let alone hear him. I have filled my brain with so much evil stuff that he has to wade through sludge and goo to get to the stuff he needs to use to help me but Jesus is not adverse to getting his feet dirty. I am very grateful that it isn't a brick wall he has to tear down.

In the past 6 weeks since I have been unemployed much has happen in my mind. I have been reading the Word very closely every morning. I read until I can understand no more. I have read the New Testament and am now beginning at the Beginning. I am with Moses in the wilderness preparing God's people to enter the promised land. We are grumbling right now because we have no water. For me no water is no money. I am grumbling because I have no money and of course no job. I feel as if I am not accomplishing anything. But I am wrong.

The number one rule of Christianity is to love Him with all our hearts, minds and souls. How do we do that? Well the first thing we have to do is get to know Him. We do that by reading and absorbing His word. God provided us with ample information to get to know him and ourselves. To know Him is to get closer to ourselves as well. He reveals in us why he created us and for what purpose we are here. He provides us with people to teach us and with people that we are to teach. He provides us with ways to forgive and ways to show our faith. He loves us so we can love others. It is our first purpose to love Him. As we get deeper into His word we will love Him deeper. He knows that so he provided us with a way to do it. His love amazes me even as I look at what he has had to forgive of me even one second ago. He reveals what we most want to know - Why?

The second rule is to love our neighbour. This can be even harder than loving God. What we don't blame on God we blame on people. When we learn to love God unconditionally that is when he teaches us to love our neighbours as well. I have an issue with this 'loving my neighbour' stuff. I have had to work with loving the person even though they sin. A good example would be Hitler. The man was a good representation of what Satan looks like to me but Hitler was a man who was responsible for bringing Germany out of poverty and making them a super power. He had great leadership skills even though he used them for evil. He knew what he wanted, he was patient with receivig it, he was confident he would get it and he was above all focused. Hatred drove him to do everything he wanted but God wants love to drive us Christians to get what we desire. God knows that if we developed a love for Him first that it would work as a background to learn to love our neighbour. True love comes between God and you, while unconditional love comes between you and your neighbour. Unconditional love comes from passion. Passion comes from God. They are intertwined - the more we love the more our passion is apparent the stronger our passion will become.

This year I give you a challenge for the whole of 2008. You will never ever regret working on this challenge. You will learn so much you will get sick of learning. Learning is hard as well so don't give up. When the Holy Spirit convicts you with something - do it and do it fast so that you can learn what you are supposed to learn. You will understand this more as you go along. Now on to the challenge for 2008.

Discover your God given passion. You say, how do I do that? Well for the year of 2008 get to know God the best way you can. Be sure to attend church weekly, make some new Christian friends, find a Christian mentor, read the Bible and attend extra Bible studies. If you live in the LaSalle area you can attend Women Graced Women's Ministry or if you are a man find a man's group that you can attend. I believe that you should learn from your own gender. I am not a proponent of separating genders just a proponent of having a deep bible study with your own gender to ensure total comfort in sharing issues and dreams. No one can help a man better than another man and the same goes for women.

So your challenge for January is to set yourself up with all the stuff you need to begin your journey finding your passion in 2008.

Recap
Your 2008 Challenge is to find your passion - if you know it already and are not implementing it seek Gods face for discernment on how to use it for your neighbour. If you are using it but not with Gods blessing seek his face to discern what you should be doing. If you don't know it or are confuse about your passion seek Gods face to discern his plan for you and how to implement it. His plan is how you will become passionate about your passion.
Your January Challenge is to get a plan in place to seek Gods face. Find groups, churches and Christians to help you. Buy a bible that is going to teach you plus keep you in His word. I love the New King James version, some like the Message, some like NIV. Choose something that will lead you to a new conviction to read His Word. It is all about planning and sticking too it. Self-discipline will become a habit once you do something 21 days in a row. So exercise your soul with Biblical push ups and your spirit will reap the benefits.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good 2008
May God bless all of your journeys
Kathleen

Trials by Fire

Okay I am late blogging, why? Because I am getting over the fact that I have been laid off a second time for the same reason. I am not the sole support of a family!!! If you haven't noticed yet I am a women!

Let me fill you in on what it is I do for a living. I am a designer of automotive parts. I have been doing this for 25 years so it is not new to me. Unfortunately I can tell you this as well, being laid off because I am not the sole support of a family is not new to me either.

The first time it happened I was a design leader who worked hard and was good at my job. He collapsed the business (apparently) and opened again under new management (not true) and hired the guys who were sole supports of their families. Okay you say - what a nice guy to do such a thing for those guys. Well, I didn't know God then so it took me a very long time to get over that.

I always thought that I should have grown a penis so now I know that in the field I work in it is as mandatory as having experience. This last company I worked for fired three designers before they got to me proving that I had the skill it took to do the job. So I maintained the job for four years but I am missing that coveted penis so now I don't have the job anymore.

I have been working for my latest employeer for 4 years (the longest I have worked for any company) and I heard rumblings of cuts although in the past years the cuts happened in the plant but this year 2 months before Christmas it happen in the Engineering department and guess who goes. There are three women in the engineering department or at least in our office anyway. One is the analysis engineer (can't lay her off cuz she is the only one they have), one in the sales department- can't lay her off cuz well I don't know why (she probably made less money than me) and then their is me - one of three in the design department. Well, it was the obvious choice for a stuffed shirt who doesn't even work in the same office as me. Of Course my boss didn't fight for me because how do you justify keeping someone who doesn't support a family rather than a man who is one of four incomes in his house and has 5 kids or the one who is your best pal (a fellow countyman). HOW DO YOU JUSTIFY LAYING THEM OFF. You can't so you lay off the woman. Her husband can support her.

Well you can see that there is still some residual anger laying around.

The last time this happened I was unemployed for 18 month's. The design field is not what it used to be. Prior to the 80's there was designers working for nothing today you have to be a super designer to even get a job. Which I am by the way - I am good at what I do plus I run 3 different design programs proficiently but that didn't stop them from laying me off nor it is endearing me to other jobs, why you ask? Cuz peep's are afraid in the automotive. They are scared someone is going to steal there thunder, afraid they will look not so good against a woman, afraid they will become unwanted or unneeded. Let me give you peeps some advise - women do not have a leg up against men in the automotive. You say - but there are laws against the bad treatment of women in the workplace? Ahhhh - Laws are shunned and stomped on by the people who work in the automotive. They are impervious to them and they know that women will not sue because we will be shunned in the field and never get a job. This is what sucks about being a women who is good at doing something that is male dominated.

This is why I cry at night. This is why I cry out to Jesus. Why would he give me this talent only to be used against me in the field I am in? Why would he allow me to be in this field if only to be thrown out of it by men who, although misguided they are, favour other men (with our without design talent)? What is the meaning of all this? I ask this of Jesus on a daily basis.

Now you can see that I am perplexed and just a little bitter. I have to deal with other things as a result of this - I now have to sell my truck (who can afford it not working) I am already in stupid stuff debt and now I must go in more debt to pay my stupid stuff debt. This lay off was a devistating blow to me financially and emotionally!

So my challenge to you this month (and me) and for December is to figure out why you need stupid stuff. Why do you go into debt for stuff? Why do you give in to buying stupid stuff that by next week or next month will either be out of date or not on your top list of purchases for stupid stuff any more? Let me tell you - if I wasn't in stupid stuff debt this lay off would not have been so devistating.

I am in stupid stuff debt and I beg of you to rethink your way of thinking and get out of stupid stuff debt and get into debt with Jesus. I am going to give it to Jesus cuz he says his yoke is light so therefore I can give my yoke to Him and He will take care of it. I trust Him because He is my God. I may have to go through some trial before my prayers are answered but I am looking forward to the wisdom I will gain while going through the trial. Yes, I know I can say this now and I probably won't be able to say it two minutes from now, but if I believe it more than I don't then I am more than half the way to getting my wisdom.

May God bless your journeys,
Kathleen

Acceptance
By Kathleen Derbyshire

What does this mean? Acceptance!

When someone says to me, “Accept yourself for who you are,” is where my problem begins. Why is this an issue for me? Well let’s dig into this statement a little deeper.

Accepting oneself for who we are is accepting that we have financial problems, accepting that we are overweight or obese, accepting that our children are out of control, accepting that our job sucks, accepting our alcohol or drug problem and a whole host of other issues that we need to address. Okay, so they say we need to accept ourselves because we need do this to move on. Does that mean that we will always be financial inept or do we get to change it – do we always stay overweight/obese or do we do something about it and so on and so forth. ‘Accepting yourself for the way you are’ is nothing but a psychological cop out. Now read on to get the reason why I say this before you blow a cog and have to except the blood all over the walls.

Accept this first: Everyone is looking for the quick fix; the pill, the psychologist with all the answers, the psychic with the future, the analyst with the financial wizardry, the book that tells you how to do it, and the seminar that gives all the answers. No one has all the answers, or the future or the pill – NO ONE. You are on your own. Your wisdom is different from anyone else’s and so are you.

Accept this second: you need to accept the things you cannot change such as your height, your shoe size, and your body type and so on and on it goes again. These are things you cannot change so you must accept them. To be perfectly honest these are hard things to accept; our crucial need is to change the things we cannot change the most and this is why we are so un-accepting of ourselves.

Accept this third; accepting the things you can change for what they are is a cop out. Here is where we fall into the category of ‘accepting ourselves for who we are’ excuses such as; we are predisposed to obesity, we are not good with money, we are not strong parents, we are stuck in this job because we need the money and on and on it goes where it stops nobody knows. This is where the cop out begins and will never end if we accept the changeable as though they are unchangeable.

Joyce Meyers always says, “I am not where I want to be but thank God I am not where I used to be.” If we accept ourselves for who we are than we are saying, “I don’t have to change because I am accepting myself for who I am.” We are forever changing and that is how it is supposed to be. Isn’t it? Are we supposed to stop educating ourselves about ourselves? NO! Not ever. Accepting ourselves for who we are is giving ourselves permission to not learn, to not grow, to not gain more wisdom, to not be a better parent, to not stop gaining weight, to not stop drinking, to not be a friend to others or to help others. We are giving ourselves permission to be what we hate most. This is unacceptable to me and it should be to you too.

Situational Acceptance
We need to accept our situation more than we need to accept ourselves for who we are; in doing that we can accept our current situation and create a plan to make the necessary changes. Is change necessary? Indeed it is for everyone. Change doesn’t come easy nor does it come over night. We are desensitized to slow motion any more; it’s become -- eat this now worry about your diet later, buy now pay later, I can tell you your future today. We are so wrapped up in having it now that we want change now too and we get frustrated when it doesn’t happen now so we force it to happen now and live with the outcome. So here is my question, if what we are doing today doesn’t work why do we continue to do it every day?

Our challenge for October is to learn situational acceptance. When we understand that it is our situation we must accept it makes it easier to accept what is currently happening. We also will readily understand that we don’t have to stay in that situation; it is forever changing. Yes it is - even if we don't make deliberate changes ourselves.

For example, I am 12 pounds over my goal weight (I did not deliberately change my eating habits) – I accept that and am on a new eating plan (deliberate change) to get rid of it and keep it off. I may gain it back again some day but I am determined to never be 62 pounds over my ideal weight again.

Helpful Hints:
Get rid of any books, articles or videos that tell you ‘you can have it now.’ Now is not good because you may not be ready for it. Learn that ‘Now’ is not good.
Have your friend’s help you with all they can help you with but remember you are on your own. You are the one who has to give you knowledge and wisdom. You can learn from book and what have you but you need to learn for yourself and don’t leave the learning to others.
Be honest with yourself. Is what you are telling yourself correct or are you using excuses to not do what you know needs to be done.
Accept that failure is the way to success.

May God bless all of your journeys,
Kathleen Derbyshire

About the author
Kathleen lives in LaSalle Ontario Canada with her husband and two of her four children. She teaches workshops helping women build a successful future. Her passion for women is evident during these workshops. If you would like her passion flowing around you she is willing to bring her workshop into your facility. You can email Kathleen at a-living-success@cogeco.ca for more information on any speaking engagement including her workshop ‘Leading Yourself to Success’ which engages women and girls to learn more about themselves so they too can live a successful life.

September Challenge

Smiling - Happiness or Something all Together Different

Statistics show that women smile more than men - why is that?

• are we happier
• are we sillier
• do we have whiter teeth
• do we have better breath

I think that maybe it is because we are less likely to show our true feelings in our face so we smile instead of scowl.

A good example of this is while sitting in a group of people someone will ask, "Hey, Kathleen have you gained a few pounds?" This comment, as we all know, would be specifically to hurt my feelings and/or to embarrass me publicly; I smile or laugh it off whereas my response should have been, "Why would you ask such a rude question?" effectively putting the ball back in their court to explain the rude behaviour.

Your challenge for September is to journal about why you smile. Check your smiling habits, write the reason you smiled (if it is a disguise for something other than happiness) and how you could have changed your response.

I am a proponent of planning your response in the future. You know that you will be put in that position again so why not make a plan for a future response. My future response to anyone who attempts to embarrass me in public will always be "Why would you ask/say such a rude thing?" This teaches people how to treat me.

Teaching people how to treat me will ensure that I will live a successful life.

Post a response a week or two after beginning this challenge to show others what you have discoved. We are here to learn and to teach; what better way to do that than to tell people about your experiences.

Blessed be your travels,

Kathleen

A Living Success Ministries Begins

A Living Success Ministries was created to fill a void; Promoting successful living through teaching women and girls how to begin the journey to become “A Living Success.”

After struggling through gaps in my knowledge and life experiences I came to the conclusion that if someone had given me the tools to know 'how to begin' I could have gotten off to a better start leading to a better middle and much less painful ‘dead end struggles.’

What is needed to begin is the discovery of who we are….

All of us have been blessed with talents and the passion to use those talents. If we know what our talents are and accept them we are less likely to travel down dead end roads that lead to hurtful failures over and over again. Failure is a way to begin again with more wisdom although I am a huge proponent of ‘intelligent’ failure. Intelligent failure is failure that happens while still going down the same path leading to the ultimate success. Dead end struggles are much more painful then intelligent failures; no wisdom is gained through dead end struggles.

Once we discover who we are what do we do with that information?

With information in hand you can begin the process of becoming a living success defined by you. Each person is different so even if the talents are similar the success using that talent will look different and the result will be different as well. Acceptance of where you are headed and how to get there will depend on the knowledge YOU gain and the people you enlist to assist with the process. One very important piece of information that everyone should know is “we are not alone” even if our talents are different from others there will always someone to turn too.

The "Leading Yourself to Success" Workshop beginning September 18/07 is designed to assist with obtaining this knowledge. Call Spirit of Excellence (Windsor, Ontario) @ 519-256-5433 for details and to attend this no-fee workshop.

Watch this blog for monthly challenges aimed at assisting with understanding all of your quirks and issues that may be holding you back.

Blessed be your travels,
Kathleen