Trials by Fire

Okay I am late blogging, why? Because I am getting over the fact that I have been laid off a second time for the same reason. I am not the sole support of a family!!! If you haven't noticed yet I am a women!

Let me fill you in on what it is I do for a living. I am a designer of automotive parts. I have been doing this for 25 years so it is not new to me. Unfortunately I can tell you this as well, being laid off because I am not the sole support of a family is not new to me either.

The first time it happened I was a design leader who worked hard and was good at my job. He collapsed the business (apparently) and opened again under new management (not true) and hired the guys who were sole supports of their families. Okay you say - what a nice guy to do such a thing for those guys. Well, I didn't know God then so it took me a very long time to get over that.

I always thought that I should have grown a penis so now I know that in the field I work in it is as mandatory as having experience. This last company I worked for fired three designers before they got to me proving that I had the skill it took to do the job. So I maintained the job for four years but I am missing that coveted penis so now I don't have the job anymore.

I have been working for my latest employeer for 4 years (the longest I have worked for any company) and I heard rumblings of cuts although in the past years the cuts happened in the plant but this year 2 months before Christmas it happen in the Engineering department and guess who goes. There are three women in the engineering department or at least in our office anyway. One is the analysis engineer (can't lay her off cuz she is the only one they have), one in the sales department- can't lay her off cuz well I don't know why (she probably made less money than me) and then their is me - one of three in the design department. Well, it was the obvious choice for a stuffed shirt who doesn't even work in the same office as me. Of Course my boss didn't fight for me because how do you justify keeping someone who doesn't support a family rather than a man who is one of four incomes in his house and has 5 kids or the one who is your best pal (a fellow countyman). HOW DO YOU JUSTIFY LAYING THEM OFF. You can't so you lay off the woman. Her husband can support her.

Well you can see that there is still some residual anger laying around.

The last time this happened I was unemployed for 18 month's. The design field is not what it used to be. Prior to the 80's there was designers working for nothing today you have to be a super designer to even get a job. Which I am by the way - I am good at what I do plus I run 3 different design programs proficiently but that didn't stop them from laying me off nor it is endearing me to other jobs, why you ask? Cuz peep's are afraid in the automotive. They are scared someone is going to steal there thunder, afraid they will look not so good against a woman, afraid they will become unwanted or unneeded. Let me give you peeps some advise - women do not have a leg up against men in the automotive. You say - but there are laws against the bad treatment of women in the workplace? Ahhhh - Laws are shunned and stomped on by the people who work in the automotive. They are impervious to them and they know that women will not sue because we will be shunned in the field and never get a job. This is what sucks about being a women who is good at doing something that is male dominated.

This is why I cry at night. This is why I cry out to Jesus. Why would he give me this talent only to be used against me in the field I am in? Why would he allow me to be in this field if only to be thrown out of it by men who, although misguided they are, favour other men (with our without design talent)? What is the meaning of all this? I ask this of Jesus on a daily basis.

Now you can see that I am perplexed and just a little bitter. I have to deal with other things as a result of this - I now have to sell my truck (who can afford it not working) I am already in stupid stuff debt and now I must go in more debt to pay my stupid stuff debt. This lay off was a devistating blow to me financially and emotionally!

So my challenge to you this month (and me) and for December is to figure out why you need stupid stuff. Why do you go into debt for stuff? Why do you give in to buying stupid stuff that by next week or next month will either be out of date or not on your top list of purchases for stupid stuff any more? Let me tell you - if I wasn't in stupid stuff debt this lay off would not have been so devistating.

I am in stupid stuff debt and I beg of you to rethink your way of thinking and get out of stupid stuff debt and get into debt with Jesus. I am going to give it to Jesus cuz he says his yoke is light so therefore I can give my yoke to Him and He will take care of it. I trust Him because He is my God. I may have to go through some trial before my prayers are answered but I am looking forward to the wisdom I will gain while going through the trial. Yes, I know I can say this now and I probably won't be able to say it two minutes from now, but if I believe it more than I don't then I am more than half the way to getting my wisdom.

May God bless your journeys,
Kathleen